


Lowkey Broken

by HarrysGardianAngel



Series: Superheros/Villains [2]
Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Asgard, Depression, Hurt Loki, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Loki Angst, Loki Feels, Loki Needs a Hug, Paranoia, Poor Loki, Post-Avengers Asgard, Protective Thor, Self-Harm, Shy Loki (Marvel), Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Thor is kinda oblivious, Wishes of Assisted Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-12
Updated: 2017-05-18
Packaged: 2018-10-31 01:09:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 6,925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10888692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HarrysGardianAngel/pseuds/HarrysGardianAngel
Summary: Loki is broken. All Thor wants to do is battle, but Loki detests it. Magic is considered an art for women, just adding onto Loki's abandonment. No friends or love from his family, Loki is thrown into a terrible depression. It only gets worse when a guard abuses him. But suddenly Loki believes Thor knows of his pain. Will Thor help Loki rid of his own life? Is Thor just as sick of Loki as he himself is? Or is it all in his head?





	1. Am I Broken? Yes.

**Author's Note:**

> Made this a long time ago, so the first chapters might be a little rough! My first story, actually! <3 :D

“C-cc-c-c.....” My hands lingered tightly around the struggling figures windpipe. 

The victim got weaker. I just wanted it to be over as quick as possible. Finally, I ripped my bloody hand through the victim. 

“I hate doing this but I do what I must.” I muttered to myself while licking what blood was on my hands off. 

I knew that I should get back before my mother and father worried. I am 5 feet and 11 inches tall and 23 years old in my realm (he knows he’s a frost giant, but he didn’t freak out as much and turn evil). I am way different than anyone else in the 9 realms. ‘ _ I’m so stupid! _ ’ I thought to myself looking at my clothes that were soaked in what was clearly blood. I did not know how I was going to explain this to the servants. ‘ _ I need to get rid of this pair of clothes and change as soon as possible....’  _ I thought as I entered another alley. Without another word,(or thought) I vanished. I then arrived in my room in Asgard. I quickly changed into different clothes that were exactly the same and made the other pair (which was starting to smell) burn until it had no existence whatsoever. I then quickly made my way to the dining hall, in which I could hear voices coming from. As soon as I opened the door, everyone stopped whatever it was that they were talking about and looked at me. It was only for a few seconds, but the tension killed me from the inside out. This would happen every day. I walked towards my mother Frigga, but my father, Odin, stopped me. 

“Son, sit by me, will you." 

It wasn‘t an offer, but a demand. ‘ _ I don‘t want to sit by an oaf such as yourself ‘  _ Were the words that swam in my aching head. I sat anyway. People started to talk once again, but in a muttering voice. I just sighed and looked at the table and all of the different things there to eat. Remembering the mess in the alley after I had finished my “business“, I was no longer hungry. Then I remembered that I was not hungry at all today. All day I had not eaten a bite. I had spent all of my time in my room sketching and writing poems and such. I looked up at my father, and quickly looked down at my feet once our eyes had met. 

“How has your day been, son's?” Father asked. 

“Well... I-" I was cut off.

My brother, Who was Thor, the God of Thunder, started going on and on about what a marvelous day he had. He talked about how he had fought with Siff, the God of War, and how he and father were planning to go hunting in the woods and other boring things like that. Finally, Thor stopped to take a breath and a bite of pork. I quickly saw my chance. 

“I went in the woods...." I said in almost a whisper. 

Everyone looked at me for a couple of seconds, not even saying anything. They were surprised. Very. Everyone thought I was just some loon who stayed in my room all day and did something crazy. No one knew what I did. If you have not noticed by now, my name is Loki, Loki Odinson, or at least that is what I am forced to say. I have only killed two innocent people. The one today, and the one that I killed last month. Even Thor was quiet for a little. But only for a little. He and Siff started laughing at me. I frowned at the image. Them, just laughing... at me. Mother hushed them. Then, everyone started talking again. I frowned even more. Nobody cared. Nobody cared about me, what I did, or where I went. No one wanted to be my friend, even if I was the king's son. 

  
  


The only person who cared for me a little, was my mother. Father did love me too... I think.. but wasn't good at showing it. Either that, or he hated me just like almost everyone else. 

“Aren't you going to eat, Loki?" Odin asked. 

I looked at him and then got a plate filled with food and ate. But, I was not full or hungry. My stomach felt numb, I felt numb. My stomach felt like nothing, I felt like nothing. My stomach felt tired of being where it was. I felt tired of being where I was. Some days were just like that. ALL days were like that. There were only a few days where I had some fun and maybe even laughed. After I had eaten, I excused myself. I walked out of the dining hall and into the hallway.

Luckily, my room was out of earshot from the dining hall, because it was awfully loud when celebrating. I soon opened the door of my room. I saw that a servant had cleaned it while I was gone. I quickly ran and sat upwards in the right corner beside the door wrapping my arms around my knees. I sat there in peace and relaxed with my eyes closed. After about a minute, I sighed and quickly did a magic spell in the corner that opened a secret door to a library sort of room. It was dimly lit with three candles on a candle holder. There were tall shelves with books. There was a desk with colored pencils and pencils and other things like paper, a painting stand, finger paints, and sketch paper. I love art. Sketching is my favorite. It is a wonderful way to express myself. My art is always dark. Monsters. Fire. Tears. Pain. I felt comfortable with it though. The servants did not know about the secret room. Only mother and father knew about it. They gave it to me when I was little. Actually, mom had the idea and dad just agreed. No one but me had been in it for about a year and a half. I checked my paintings and art to make sure that no one had touched anything. Everything was in order. Good. In the middle of the room was a Grand Piano. It came with my room just like the books, desk and chair. I went back up the stairs into my room and shut the magic entrance. I walked onto the balcony and looked at all of Asgard. I just stood there. After a little, I walked to my bed and said good night to myself. Just like I always did.


	2. The Nightmare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki has a nightmare, is antisocial, and gets in a fight with Thor. What a day :3

            Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz….. ***!!!!

I woke up. Startled and alarmed as almost every morning. It was a dream. Again. The same one. Almost every night. It was not a nightmare or a dream. It was not scary or wonderful. It was confusing. It was very short too. I would be in the kingdom garden, just drawing and listening to the little birds sing. I would sit there for awhile. Then, as the dream went on, you could tell that I was starting to look, blue. Not that kind of blue, I mean yes I was sad, but I mean the color blue. My lips turned more and more purple and my skin blue. I started to look more depressed than normal. I would look emotionless. I looked even more like a misfit. I looked kinda like.. a Frost Giant. It hurt because I knew I was a frost giant. Father and mother told me. I got dressed and walked down the hall. Guards saw me and started opening the dining hall for breakfast, but I walked right past them. I did just quickly enough for father to see me through the opening of the doors. I walked out to the garden/park (the one I was in, in my dreams) and sat on a bench. I was the only one there, of course it WAS 5 in the morning. I then saw a beautiful rose. It was standing ever so lightly and bending to the left at just the right angle. It was white with a little bit of red on the end of every petal and red in the middle. You could not see the middle from my view. I then started to sketch it. I had just drew the stem and thorns and one petal when the sketch pad was ripped away from my hands. There with my sketching pad in his hands, was Thor. He swayed it back and forth, teasing me. 

“Come on, fight with me brother!” Thor pleaded. 

I sighed. 

“No Thor, I don’t want to fight with you.” 

“But drawing roses is boring!” He insisted while tossing my precious sketching book in a bush. 

“Hey!” I shouted. 

Thor tossed a stick to me. He then struck me in the side with his own. He swung another hit, in which I blocked. I was proud of my quick reflexes. I quickly glanced at my book to see if I could see any damage. Which earned me a jab in the stomach. Thor then tackled me. He held me down and laughed at me. I struggled to get free. I grew angry and I just wanted to be left alone, just like everyday. 

“Get off of me you fat pig!” I screamed. 

“Fine.” Thor sighed getting my pad and holding it out to me. “I’ll go fight with Siff, she actually knows how to fight.” Thor huffed. I was thrown back. I snached the book out of his hand and started to run into the forest. “Wait!” Thor yelled. “I didn’t mean it like that!”

I ran and ran until I got to a tree. MY tree. I had engraved my name in it a few years back. I quickly climbed as far up as I could and I sat on the branch. I sniffled and wiped my nose. No, I was not going to cry. I would be tough. I saw the rose that I had began to sketch. It was a little smeared. It made it look darker. There was no color to it except the red outline on the petals. I finished it and smeared it so the rest of it would look dark and painful. It was all alone, like me.

Quickly, I ran back to the castle. I thought that if I was early to lunch, then people would not stop their conversations and stare at me. 


	3. The Meal and The Market

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki has an awkward meal with the fam and then heads out to the market.

I was one of the first ones there. Mother had beaten me. I walked over to my usual spot right next to her. 

“You weren’t here for breakfast.” Mother looked at me sternly. 

“I wasn’t very hungry.” I explained, sitting down. 

Mom said nothing after that. Soon everyone else arrived to eat. Everyone started to eat and gulp down the strongest of ale. “ _ What fat, greedy pigs!”  _ I thought while sipping on water and eating quietly. “ _ I thought gods were supposed to be more.... godly...."  _ Thor was sitting next to father slumped over a little. " _ He must still be upset about this morning”  _ I thought watching him. 

"Ah, Thor,” The fattest warrior said. "The warriors three and I are going to fight some new dragons in the forest, will you come?” 

Thor looked up from his plate. He seemed to actually think about it instead of answering right away. 

“Yes” He said after a while. I just rolled my eyes. Then he continued, “Only if Loki can come too.” He said turning his gaze to me, everyone else's gaze did the same. 

I was too shocked to do anything. I stared at Thor for a while. " _ Has he gone mad?!?!"  _ I thought.

“Ummm…. my apologies my prince, but when did Loki become a goo- I mean, a fighter?” 

I knew what he almost said."  _ How rude and ignorant!"  _ I thought after his words left his mouth. I could not bear to stay and be stared down by basically everyone at the table. 

“I’m very sorry Thor, but I have other business to attend to.” I announced with the least bit of sorrow in my voice. 

I tried to make it sound sincere, but it sounded more sarcastic than sorry. I quickly excused myself before Thor could protest. I silently strode down the halls and out of the palace.

I started to walk to the village marketplace. I breathed a heavy sigh of relief. Thank Odin's beard I escaped from having to go hunting with such volgore imbeciles. Now I could finally go and get the supplies I needed for new spells I wished to master.  _ “I’ll have to be on a close lookout for my idiot of a brother and his just as idiotic friends _ " I thought. Thor had put me in a very bad mood today and I would not miss him on his trip to slay dragons and whatnot.

( 3rd person for a little bit!!)

Loki continued to walk around the marketplace until he spotted something he needed for a new spell. He quietly walked over to the shop that was selling it and bought the item. He also bought new paints and paper and more special pencils for his prized sketch book. He then started walking back to his room in the palace. He walked all the way back to the palace. He was about to walk up the steps when he saw Thor and his friends start walking down the stairs. He quickly walked over and ducked on the side of the stairs.

“Come on Thor! Why do you care if your girly little brother is afraid of a little dragon!" Siff asked as they walked down the stairs. 

Thor instead of answering said, “He's probably at the market place. Come on."

" _ Girly?!!?"  _ Loki thought madly. " _ I am NOT girly! How can someone say something about someone else, when they know nothing about them?!?!” _

Loki sighed and got up as they walked away towards the marketplace _.  _ Thor was too late and Loki smirked at that fact. He then quickly ran inside.


	4. A Battle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A damnable guard and lots of confusing feelings ahead...

(1st person once again!)

I quickly slammed the door to my chambers (bedroom) shut and sighed while slipping down on the ground. I rested there for a little while until I heard pounding on my door. " _ Thor tricked me! He saw me at the stairs, I was too slow!!"  _ I thought grimly to myself. Thor kept knocking on my door. I tried to ignore it but it finally got the best of me. I quickly opened my door to find Thor standing there looking quite concerned.

"What do you want brother?" I asked annoyed. 

"Well..." Thor started." I was wondering if you would like to go the marketplace with me?" 

"I already went there." I said quickly, wanting him to leave. 

Thor sighed and said in a disappointed voice, "Well, we could go do something else." He suggested desperately. "We could go to the park or practice dueling. Father would be happy to see us getting along." 

I thought about it for a little. " _ Maybe it would get father off of my back for awhile."  _ I thought looking at the pros.

"Fine, we shal duel." I said.

"Thank you brother." Thor said happily. 

I got up and opened the door, seeing Thor jumping around excitedly. 

" _ Oh joy. _ " I thought sarcastically. I sighed and started my way to the training field.

2 hours later

(Loki's Thoughts after fight)

Well.... Let's just say that I lost all 20 training rounds. Except for one, which Thor let me win. I could have done a better job! But Thor said no magic. I need my magic and he knows it! I would use magic in a real fight, wouldn't I? So why not now? I could have won at least a couple more. Maybe I should study more in the palace library........

( Back to Present)

It was dinner time now. " _ I'm still sore from this morning!"  _ I thought annoyed. Thor was just like he was before the practice duel. Happy and restless. Go figure. 

"So, I hear that you two have practiced this morning." Odin stated. 

Thor glowed. " _ Oh mighty Hemdal, can't he just take a break?"  _ I thought to myself. 

"Why, yes father we did!" Thor said with pride. "I don't mean to boast, but I won once again!" 

I couldn't believe it! He just had to boast about everything! 

“Well that’s wonderful!” Mother said, quite pleased we were getting along. 

Mother turned to me and asked, “How many did you win, Loki?” 

I sighed inwardly and and answered. 

“Just one.”

“Out of twenty.” Thor stated without thinking. 

He must of realized his mistake because he flashed me an apologetic look. 

“Well, that’s not too bad!” Frigga said happily.

I could tell that Odin wanted to say something like ‘Maybe you should train more’ or ‘Maybe Thor could teach you more’, but he kept it to himself. I sighed and realized that I had eaten more than usual. “ _ I must have been starving myself more than I thought”  _ I wasn’t TRYING to starve myself, but I just didn’t want to eat. I got more food and continued eating. Frigga seemed to smile at this, which made me happier. Soon dinner was over and I headed back to my room. I sighed as a felt calmness wash over me. I was finally back in my room. I sense of proudness filled my chest. I had spent about all day outside, and I survived! I smiled and face-planted (“ _ That’s right, I did it and i’m not ashamed!” _ ) onto my bed. I started snuggling my warm pillow. “ _ Wait.”  _ I stopped suddenly. “ _ What the heck am I doing!?!”  _ I thought while shooting up and letting go of my pillow. “ _ Surely I can go one day outside of my room without running back in to hug my pillow!”  _ I thought it over and then shrugged. I continued to hold my pillow. “ _ I just pray that Hemdal is not watching these actions…”  _ I thought hazardly. 

I started to drift off into sleep when there was a knock on my door. I groaned and ignored it. I heard another knock. I then got up and opened the door. 

“What is it? I’m trying to sleep.” I asked grumpily. 

It was a guard. 

“I’m very sorry your highness, but the king wishes to see you.” He stated. 

I sighed and replied, “Very well then.” 

He bowed and escorted me towards the king's throne room. “ _ What could that idiot want at this hour?”  _ The guard all of a sudden stopped and turned to me. I stood puzzled, not knowing what was happening. 

“Explain your actions guard.” I said sternly. 

He then stopped right in front of me and whispered in my ear. 

“You royals are always so trusting, aren't you?” 

My eyes widened as I felt something sharp on my neck. Soon I was sleepy again and I couldn’t stop myself from falling. Thankfully the guard caught me. Then there was black.

 

 

I woke up in the hallway on the floor. Every part of my body was sore. (Yay! that rhymes!) I tried to sit up but it hurt too much. I groaned and tried again. Luckily, I sat up and lend against the castle walls. No one had saw me while I was asleep? It felt like I was asleep forever. I had went to bed a little earlier, but there’s no way it was still night. It hurt so much. 

“What in all of Valhalla happened?!” I muttered to myself. 

I finally pushed myself up and staggered to the other side of the hallway. I felt like I was struck with Thor’s hammer, Mjolnir, all while I was unconscious.

“ _ It must be the drug! It’s so painful, I can’t see straight!”  _ Just then my vision began to blur. 

I huddled up into a ball to make my headache go away. Just then I saw someone walking towards me. I didn’t know who they were yet, but this person was big. Maybe the guard was coming back to hurt me again. Fear washed over me, I couldn’t take this pain, how could I manage to take even more of what he put in me? I started to panic. I could barely move. The silhouette came closer. Just then I saw that it was…… Just Thor, my idiot brother…. I signed.

I tried to stay out of his sight, but I was still in agonizing pain. Thor saw me and crouched down in front of me. I saw that he was smiling, but in an evil way. I didn’t understand. He started to laugh, muttering,

“You always were the weaker one.” 

“ _ Well I didn’t see that coming…”  _ Thor then picked me up and threw me across the hallway. Coincidentally, right in front of my chamber door. I quickly grabbed the doorknob and threw myself into my chambers. I quickly closed and locked the door. I heard Thor running to the door and trying to open it. I sat up against the door, making sure it would stay shut. Thor didn’t try to open the door too much, he only twisted the doorknob and pressed on the door a little.  _ “It seems like he’s actually trying, but he’s so much more stronger than this, it’s still late, could that be affecting him?”  _ Thor then stopped. I heard his footsteps walking away. 

“What was that?” I asked out loud.

I sat there for a little bit, thinking about what Thor had said and done. I don’t like admitting this, but my eyes started to burn. A lot. Soon I was crying, more like bawling. “I *Hic* Don’t *Hic* Understand!” I said to nobody. “ _ Why would he do this? He must have been the one that drugged me.”  _ I couldn’t stop crying.  _ “Heimdall better not see this.”  _ I thought embarrassedly. I sat there and tried to listen for signs of Thor returning. I didn’t hear anything. I glances at my time teller, and it read 3:28. I made sure my door was locked and secure. I put a shield over it, just in case. I then walked over to my bed and tried to go back to sleep. I laid in bed and finally dozed off.


	5. A Death Wish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki has a terrible death wish.  
> Maybe Thor will help him achieve this...?

I woke up today and wished for tomorrow. I don’t want to be anything but myself, so why is it so hard? But now I know I don’t want to even be myself. Thor hates me. It seems like that was the way to make the tiniest satisfaction disappear. Nothing goes my way, I can’t have any happiness anymore can I? At least my death wish will come true…. This is not life is it? No one's life could be this horrible. No, it’s before life. Before you are born. Once I die, I’ll be really born, somewhere else. I won’t be some weird Frost Giant creature. I’ll be human, on Earth. So, all together I’ll live here, die, live on Earth as a mortal, die, and then go to heaven and stay there. It will be perfect. I just wish it would happen sooner… I smiled.

_ “I can live with this a little longer, can’t I?”  _ I thought as I got dressed and combed my hair.  _ “I shouldn’t have to die by my own hands.”  _ I walked out of my room and into the hallway. 

_ “Screw Thor! I can have a perfect before-life without him! I might as well have fun and make my ‘parents’ of this world happy.”  _ I felt a sense of happiness and freedom.  _ “I can do this!”  _ I smiled happily. 

Who knew I would be happy after my brother tried to kill me. I walked to the door of the dining table. Most Demigods were there already. I kept smiling as I sat by my mother. 

“Good morning mother.” I said politely. 

“Well good morning to you too!” Mother said happily. “I was afraid you wouldn’t come! You’re awful cheery today!” 

I turned to Thor who was talking and laughing with my friends. I tried not to be angry, but I could feel my soul filling with hate.  _ “How could he act like nothing happened?! Is that his evil plan!?! Trick me and kill me once I-”  _ I realized something. If he kills me, It’ll be over. I’ll be free and never see any of these god forsaken people ever again!  _ “If I act like I love and trust him… He’ll think he's fooled me, and it will all be over and done with!”  _ I was happy with my plan. I was sure it would take Thor a while to make sure I trusted him, but that was ok. I could stand this place a little while longer.

“Good morning father.” I said as I turned to Odin. 

“Why good morning Loki. What has you in high spirits today?” Odin asked. 

“I think I had a bit of a cold bug, so I was feeling a bit down, but I’m better now.” I lied. 

I was feeling better, but I was not sick recently. 

“That is good to hear, my son.” Odin said. 

I started to eat and watch my brother. He hadn’t even acknowledged me. That happened about every morning. Soon most people were done eating. I sat up and excused myself from the table. I then walked out of the dining room and into the great halls. I walked to the park/Garden (Still the same one) and sat down on the bench. As I had suspected, Thor and his friends came out also. I stayed seated while they walked along the path that goes right in front of the bench I was sitting on. I sat and watched the light breeze move the flowers, trees, and water from the pond, back and forth. Thor walked up to me, with his friends, and sat down beside me. 

“Loki, brother, would you like to go with us to find and slay a beast?” He asked excitedly. 

_ “This must be my chance.”  _

“Of course brother, when will this be?” Thor and his friends looked shocked. 

Thor had obviously been waiting and expecting a stern ‘No.’ “

“Well, it’s uh… Soon. After we pack for the trip.”

(After they all packed and were walking into the woods)

We walked along a stream. 

“What made you decide to come?” Hogun asked (One of the warriors three). 

“I thought that I should try it.” I replied blankly. 

There was a sound of rustling just ahead of us. We all got in our fighting stances. 

“Remember,” Thor whispered, “This could be anything from a horrid beast, to a harmless traveler, so don’t act too quickly.” 

We waited as the rustling continued. Just then a Burak (A snow white horse with long ears and the wings and tail of a peacock) walked into view. We all relaxed and sighed. 

“Ah, Tis only a Burak.” Thor said. 

I walked up to it and petted it’s blue and green mane.  _ “It’s so beautiful.”  _ I couldn’t help but marvel at it’s beauty. Thor walked up from behind me and smiled.

“It’s wonderful, isn’t it?” He asked. 

“Yes, it is.” I said. 

“We’re going to continue on the trail, you guys catch up when you’re done.” Sif said, walking away with the warriors three.

“Why are you always avoiding me until now?” Thor asked once they were out of sight. 

“Why didn’t you tell me your true feelings for me?” I asked quickly. 

“What? You’ve known I’ve always felt this way.” Thor replied. 

“Well that just makes me the fool, doesn’t it?” I said. 

“No. I understand what you were going through, but… there was so much  **hate** . It’s consuming you.” Thor said. 

_ “How would he understand?”  _ I thought.

Thor sighed. “This Burack is so magnificent, it would probably be the last thing I would want to see, you too, right?” 

_ “Crap. Not already. I should not have made him aggravated.” _

**Thor’s P.O.V. for a bit**

Trying to change the subject, I decided to talk about the Burack. 

“This Burack is so magnificent, it would probably be the last thing I would want to see, you too, right?” I said quickly. 

Loki seemed to look even paler than before.  _ “What’s wrong with him?” _ I realized I said that wrong.

“Of course seeing a family member is also one of the best things too.” I said, trying to cover up my mistake. Loki looked panicked. “What is wrong brother?” I asked. He turned to me and smiled. 

“I’m fine brother! I’m just glad to be here... with you… alone…” He said slowly. 

I raised my eyebrow in confusion.

**Back to Loki’s P.O.V**

“ _ I can do this! If I don’t do it now, I may never!”  _ I thought after I answered Thor. We stood there and waited. 

“I… Just want to thank you Thor.” I said sincerely. 

“What for?” He asked.

“For your bravery and kindness.” I said smiling. 

_ “Just a little longer.”  _

“Your.. Welcome brother.” Thor said, a bit confused.

“Yes, that’s exactly what we are, brothers.” I said closing my eyes and saying “You can do it now.” Thor sat there for a little and shifted nervously. “Do it.” I repeated. 

He walked up to me and opened his arms. I flinched.  _ “Don’t be a coward!”  _ He then closed his arms around me and… hugged me… It has been a long time since I was hugged… I hugged him back. We stayed like that for awhile. 

“Ok,” Thor said, letting go, “Let’s go catch up with the others.”

_ “Wait, what?” _

“What?” I spoke my mind. 

Thor grabbed his things and handed me mine. 

“We need to get back with the rest. We can continue this back at the palace.” Thor said, smiling. 

“I don’t understand! What did I do wrong?” I asked, surprised that Thor didn’t… you know… Kill me.

He turned to me and frowned. 

“Nothing, we just need to get back to the group so they know we're ok.” He said. 

I then realized the cause of his actions.  _ “He doesn’t want anyone to know he was with me before I died.”  _ I made sense, I mean, I don’t want any evidence of my brother doing it, he deserves to be unpunished. I guess that he will be killing me somewhere else… We started walking and got with Sif and the warriors three. 

“What took you so long?” Sif said sarcastically. 

Neither of us answered.


	6. Brother, Please

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Contains Loki begging for death...
> 
> Thorki if you squint...?

We found nothing. I didn’t have any fun, but that would have made me have a little bit of fun didn’t happen. Everyone else seemed to be happy either way. I rolled my eyes at their unnecessary joy.

_ “Curse Thor! Couldn’t he have said a beast killed me?”  _ I know I should be grateful that he’s even doing this, but it’s so frustrating and boring waiting to die. I remembered that Thor said that we would continue our discussion at home. After a meal of praises and smiles, I walked back to my chambers. I opened up my door and entered. I walked up to my bookshelf and scanned for an interesting book. I found one and sat on the edge of my bed and opened the book. I began to be viciously pulled into the story. I didn’t even notice the knock on my door until the third time.  _ “I have a good idea on who that is.” _ I thought as I shut my book and set it down. 

“You may enter.” I said.

Just as I suspected, Thor opened the door and entered. He closed the door and walked to my bed and sat down beside me. 

“You know what you want to talk about?” He asked. 

I nodded and to a deep breath.  _ “Here it goes.”  _ I began to talk. 

“I want you to do it now.” I said quickly.

“Uh? What are you talking about?” He asked. 

_ “What? No! I couldn’t of misread the situation! He wants to kill me! He has to!”  _ I tried to stay calm. 

“You know,  kill me.” I answered. 

Thor looked at me, surprised. “What?! I-I don’t know what your talking about!” He stammered. 

“It’s ok.” I said, putting a gentle and soft hand on his shoulder. “I know about it, but I want you to do it. You were going to do so anyway.” 

He looked shocked. “Why would I kill you? You’re my brother, I would never do such a thing!” He said sternly.

I sat up quickly. “Yes you would!” I yelled, “And you will!”

Thor tried to calm me down.  _ “Can’t he just drop the act and finish what he had started?!”  _

“Why won’t you kill me? You acted like it was your only goal in life just last night!”

Wow. Had it really been just a night ago? It seemed like it happened a few seconds ago, but also a month ago. 

“What?” Thor asked for the millionth time that day. 

“You. Tried. To. Kill. Me.” I said slowly. 

Thor quickly stood up and looked at me with worry in his eyes.

_ “Finally. He’s found the error in his ways.”  _ I thought, smiling at the thought. He grabbed my hand and looked me in the eyes. 

“You are ill, Loki. Please, come with me to the healing chambers.” He said all too gently." I’ll make sure you're alright. Come, let us go.”

_ “He’s talking to me like I’m a mental patient.”  _ I just shook my head and slipped my hand out of his. 

“Your lying, I know it. I’ll make sure you don't get caught.” I said while setting my hand by my side.

Thor knew I wouldn’t leave without a fight. 

“Loki, I don’t want to hurt you, but we must find out what’s wrong with you.” I felt and heard something in my brain snap. 

“Wait, so  now there’s something wrong with me?!” I yelled. 

Thor straightened up. 

“N-no! Brother, t-that is not what I meant! You know I love you and care, that is why I am doing this! You shouldn’t want to be killed, or think I would do it!”

 

**Thor’s P.O.V.**

Loki and I stood and stared at each other for what seemed like hours. I stepped forward, Loki stepped back. I stepped back, Loki stayed.  _ “How can I help him? He needs medical help badly.”  _ I thought. Then I realized something.  _ “I’m going to have to fight him if he doesn’t come with me at his own will.”  _ I stepped forward, and he of course stepped back. We did that until his back hit the wall. He looked scared. I tried one more time. 

“Please Loki, come with me, I don’t want to do this.” Loki smiled and stood up properly. I exhaled and smiled. “Come on let's go.” 

I tried to go, but Loki grabbed my hand. 

“You're not leaving until you kill me. There’s a forcefield at the door, and it won’t go away until I die, or put it down.” 

I was stuck. I then remembered one time were we ran into a tree and his forcefield went down and he was out.  _ “Is that what I’ll have to do?”  _ I mentally asked myself. 

“Loki, please, I'm begging you, I’ll do anything.” I pleaded. 

“Fine, then kill me.” 

I sighed it wouldn’t be that easy. I realised that to help Loki, I had to hurt him. Before he could even know what I was doing, smacked him in the face. Ok, I more or less tapped him in the face. He looked at me with a ‘What are you doing, you imbecile?’ look.  _ “I can’t do it.”  _ I thought as Loki shook his head and said. 

“How do you expect to kill a god with a smack like that, brother?” He asked disappointedly, but with a little laugh.

I tapped him in the face with a little bit more force, then quickly smacked him in the face before I knew what I was doing. Loki stumbled, but quickly regained his posture. I quickly turned and saw the force field blink away for a quick second, but then return with possibly more power. I sighed and quickly punched him in the face. He started to fall, but I grabbed him and threw him against his bookcase. Maybe I was being a bit too rough, I didn’t know my own strength.

Loki fell and laid there. He coughed and started to stand up with the support of his writing desk. 

“See,” He said. “You go right to the violence. Didn’t really try, didn’t ask about my feelings. I can guarantee that one of the first things that went in your mind was hurting me.” He said. 

_ “It’s true, but I don’t want to hurt him.”  _

“I-I’m sorry Loki, I-...  Don’t think like that.” I said as I looked at the ground. 

My heart was aching, I couldn’t take it. I heard a sob. I quickly looked up and saw Loki looking at the ground like I just was. I saw tears falling from his face. I quickly walked over to him. 

“No! Stay away! J-just leave me!” He let the force field go and turned away from me. 

“Loki, you know I will not leave your side.” I said.

 

**Loki’s P.O.V.**

_ “Why can’t that jerk just leave me? Doesn’t he see my pain and misery?!”  _ I didn’t understand, I just wanted to be left alone. “Please.” I added softly. 

Thor stood up and looked at me with determination. “I’m deeply sorry brother, but I simply will  not leave you in such a state.” I cried more, it hurt to see him. “Wait. It’s finally sinking in, isn’t it?” Thor asked with realization in his eyes. 

“What are you talking about, you oaf?” I weakly asked and sobbed once again. 

_ “Look at me! I’m pathetic!”  _ I thought. 

“You- you being a Frost Giant. It’s finally sinking in, and coming out. You held all the emotion in, and now there’s too much.” Thor said. 

I froze. That wasn’t it at all, was it? It’s true I didn’t cry, or really show any emotion, when I was told about the news. It seemed like everyone forgot after that, but I couldn’t forget. I’m my family's enemy, a  monster . A monster that parents tell their young ones about to frighten them. Wait. That  was a big part of it, besides that fact that I just want to die, and Thor was actually right. Maybe I needed Thor, just this once. I ran to him and.. as much as it kills me…  Hugged him. We sat on the floor like that, until I was choking on my own tears. What a shameful way to die. Before I knew it, I was drifting off to sleep in Thor’s arms. 

_ “Ok, that sounded kind of gay… anyway, moving on.”  _ I tried to stay awake but my eyes hurt. Soon I felt Thor carry me to my bed. “Good night, brother.” He whispered before leaving.


	7. This Is It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is it I guess...?

I woke up in my chambers.  _ “Thank the Gods that Thor didn’t take me to the healing chambers.”  _ I feel like a worthless, murdering monster. I lied in my comforting bed and sighed. Thor was right, I had finally let it out. But that was only half on the problem. The other half was dying.  _ “I can do it now.”  _ I think as I sit up and get out of bed. I walk to my window and see that it is still dark. The stars were beautiful. The only light coming from the Rainbow Bridge. The view was breathtaking. I would miss it dearly, but it was the price to pay.  _ “This is your chance!”  _ Something in the back of my head said. I realized what it meant. I dressed slowly and peacefully, not in a rush, as I knew I had great amounts of time. I walked out of my chambers and into the halls. there weren't many guards, Asgard is a peaceful place, it is in no need of night guards. I walked out of the castle and into the Royal Gardens. I walked until I got to the gates. The gates were locked, but with my magic, the lock was easily broken. I walked until I was at the beginning of the Rainbow Bridge. It was magnificent. I took a small step onto the bridge. I kept walking until I was at the center of the Rainbow. I looked at the edge. It was all blackness and stars. I sighed and stepped right on the edge.  _ “Just do it!”  _ I opened my arms wide and was about to lean forward when- 

“Loki!” 

I turned around quickly. Heimdall was standing about ten feet from me. Heimdall can see all, he knew about my pain and plans. He knew and kept quiet. I don’t know if I should thank him or punch him.

“Let me do this. Turn around and walk away.” I stated, straight faced. “I need to do this. It’s an order. If you refuse, I shall report you of treason.” 

He paused and finally nodded his head and walked back to his watching position, far away from where he could see me. I turned back to the edge. This is it. I would die and live in a different world. I let myself  fall off the Rainbow Bridge. I slowly opened my eyes and saw millions of stars. I smiled and watched them. Beautiful. I closed my eyes and everything went black.

Well, this is it.. The End.

 

 

 

Finished On April 24, 2014. 1:20 PM.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading! <3 Leave a kudos or comment if you'd like a sequel!


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